Locked Out

Is it girl chase boy day or girl hate girl day?

Is it girl chase boy day or girl hate girl day?

“Cici’s the boss and she told Jenny and Amy that I can’t play,” my daughter said when she got home.

I stall for time, “Okay . . . why is she the boss?  Who decided that?”

“She just is.  She said.”

Now I’m mad.  “Well, can’t you make someone else the boss?”

“NO, mom.”

That was Monday.  Now, Thursday we are still “locked-out” – which is what my neighbor’s daughter (Jenny) told her mom it was called.  When you don’t want someone to play, it’s a lock out.  We’re six and behaving like queen bees already?  I thought I had more time to figure this out.

My daughter brought two stuffed animals to school yesterday.  “Maybe Cici will like my stuffed animals and let me play with her!”

Didn’t happen.

Today, she told me excitedly, “When Cici gets sick, they said I could play with them.”

What?  This is not going well.  I encouraged her to play with other people that ARE NICE and WILL PLAY WITH HER.  (Duh.)  She said, “I don’t want to.”

So, I’ve put ever single bully & self esteem book on hold at the library.  Anyone have some ideas for me?  (Besides the inappropriate response of punching her in the face which my daughter would never do anyway because, “She’s my friend.”)

AAAAAAAH!

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4 Comments on “Locked Out”

  1. Jess Says:

    I guess suggesting to punch the other mom in the face might rank relatively high on the inappropriate scale, too? I’m of no help, but I’m very sorry your daughter has to deal with a friend/bully so early in life.

    (Came via Mile High Mamas)


  2. I hear you loud and clear–I even see this behavior in preschool!
    When I was writing my book Hot Issues, Cool Choices: Facing Bullies, Peer Pressure, Popularity, and Put-Downs, some of the stories the kids told me were devastating. When schools use my book in the classroom, my hope is that they will role-play some of the stories, so kids can really “feel” what it’s like to be excluded or bullied. And I hope that the importance of the role of the bystander will be emphasized because the bystander can unintentionally (or intentionally) facilitate or stop the bullying. Relational bullying is particularly difficult to cope with and I hope your daughter will find friends who are real friends.

  3. meltay Says:

    Your book sounds helpful, thanks.

  4. Cami Chaplick Says:

    Melissa, I just learned about “locking out” this week. I too, was floored that this goes on as early as first grade. Looks like those keys to success need some more work.
    It’s 5:30am and I should be getting ready to leave for school in 30 minutes instead of reading your blog. A testament to your writing!


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