Archive for the ‘bullying’ category

From Helpless to Helpful Parenting

April 8, 2010

“I hate school,” said the puffy green comforter.  “And, I have a sore throat.”

“Really?” I asked.  “What do you mean you hate school?”

“I just do.  It’s boring.”  A head appeared for a moment, then ducked back under the blankets.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, paused and asked, “Is something going on at school that’s bothering you?”

Already, I envisioned the worst case of scenarios.  Was she getting bullied?  It’s all over the news lately.  Is someone being mean to her?  What if she’s falling behind in math?  I wished she’d tell me why she hated school.  She can’t hate school. What should I do?

I got nothing more from her.

Feeling helpless I said, “Sorry, you need to get out of bed and go to school.  Let’s go, up, up.”

Later I realized my mistake – starting with the premise that A.’s life should be easy and fun.  Really?  Is that really my job as a parent, to make her life happy and easy?

Obviously not.

My job is not to make her life easy and fun.  My job is to teach her to be resilient and strong no matter what life brings her way.  My job is not a helpless one, it’s a helpful one.

Oh, yeah.  I bring up a good point don’t I?!


It’s starting younger

May 15, 2009

We hear a lot about one girl – I’ll call her Madge.

“Madge said I was a looser.  Madge called me a jerk.  Madge . . . ”

Honestly, I think that it’s not bullying so much as the kid is just a snot.  But, never the less, my daughter must learn to deal with twits or bullies.   So, we’ve read many books on the subject & I’ve made a list of favorites.

Talking helps.

Reading helps.

Summer vacation will help even more.  Yea!


Also, I think martial arts might be a good idea one day . . .

Locked Out

February 27, 2009
Is it girl chase boy day or girl hate girl day?

Is it girl chase boy day or girl hate girl day?

“Cici’s the boss and she told Jenny and Amy that I can’t play,” my daughter said when she got home.

I stall for time, “Okay . . . why is she the boss?  Who decided that?”

“She just is.  She said.”

Now I’m mad.  “Well, can’t you make someone else the boss?”

“NO, mom.”

That was Monday.  Now, Thursday we are still “locked-out” – which is what my neighbor’s daughter (Jenny) told her mom it was called.  When you don’t want someone to play, it’s a lock out.  We’re six and behaving like queen bees already?  I thought I had more time to figure this out.

My daughter brought two stuffed animals to school yesterday.  “Maybe Cici will like my stuffed animals and let me play with her!”

Didn’t happen.

Today, she told me excitedly, “When Cici gets sick, they said I could play with them.”

What?  This is not going well.  I encouraged her to play with other people that ARE NICE and WILL PLAY WITH HER.  (Duh.)  She said, “I don’t want to.”

So, I’ve put ever single bully & self esteem book on hold at the library.  Anyone have some ideas for me?  (Besides the inappropriate response of punching her in the face which my daughter would never do anyway because, “She’s my friend.”)